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At times, a 22-year-old from Los Angeles feels he is “unmatched in his abilities”. As a diagnosed narcissist, his grandiose moments can become “detached from reality”, he admits. “You are on cloud nine and you tell yourself, ‘The world will recognize that I stand above others … I’m destined for greatness for the world’.”

Regarding his experience, these phases of exaggerated self-worth are typically followed by a “emotional downturn”, a period when he feels deeply emotional and embarrassed about his conduct, rendering him especially susceptible to criticism from external sources. He began to think he might have this personality condition after researching his symptoms on the internet – and eventually confirmed by a specialist. However, he questions he would have accepted the diagnosis if he hadn’t previously arrived at that conclusion personally. Should you attempt to inform somebody that they have the condition, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he says – particularly if they experience beliefs of dominance. They inhabit a fantasy reality that they made for themselves. And within that framework, No one compares to me and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Defining NPD

While people have been called narcissists for more than a century, it’s not always clear what people refer to as the term. It’s common to label everybody a narcissist,” states an expert in narcissism, adding the word is “overused” – but when it comes to a professional assessment, he notes many people keep it private, because of so much stigma around the illness. An individual diagnosed will tend to have “an exaggerated self-image”, “a lack of empathy”, and “a pattern of manipulating others to enhance their social status through actions such as displaying material goods,” the professor explains. Those with NPD may be “deeply egotistical”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he adds.

Emotional connections were never important about anyone really, so I’ve never taken relationships seriously

Gender Differences in The Disorder

Although a significant majority of people identified as having NPD are men, findings indicates this statistic does not mean there are less female narcissism, but that women with NPD is more often presented in the less obvious variety, which is under-identified. Narcissistic traits in men tends to be somewhat tolerated, similar to everything in society,” notes a 23-year-old who posts about her dual diagnosis on online channels. It is not uncommon, the two disorders are comorbid.

Individual Challenges

It’s hard for me with handling criticism and being turned down,” she says, since when I’m told that the issue lies with me, I either go into defence mode or I become unresponsive.” Despite having this response – which is often called “self-esteem damage”, she has been trying to overcome it and accept input from her loved ones, as she aims to avoid falling into the harmful behaviour of her earlier years. I used to be manipulative to my partners in my youth,” she reveals. Via therapeutic interventions, she has been able to manage her condition better, and she says she and her current boyfriend “operate with an understanding where we’ve agreed, ‘If I say something messed up, when I use toxic language, address it {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her childhood mostly in the care of her father and notes she didn’t have supportive figures during development. It’s been a process of understanding over the years what is and is not appropriate to say during a fight because I lacked that guidance in my formative years,” she shares. “Nothing was off-limits when my family members were criticizing me when I was growing up.”

Origins of The Condition

Conditions like NPD tend to be linked to childhood challenges. Heredity is a factor,” notes a consultant psychiatrist. But, when someone exhibits NPD characteristics, it is often “connected with that specific childhood circumstances”. Those traits were “a coping mechanism in some ways to manage during childhood”, he adds, when they may have been neglected, or only shown love that was conditional on meeting certain expectations. They then “persist in applying those same mechanisms as adults”.

Like several of the individuals with NPD, a person from Leeds thinks his parents “may be narcissists themselves”. The individual shares when he was a child, “the focus was always on them and their work and their social life. So it was like, stay out of our way.” When their attention turned to him, it came in the form of “significant demands to achieve good grades and life achievements, he says, which made him feel that if he didn’t fulfill their expectations, he wasn’t “good enough”.

In adulthood, none of his relationships were successful. “I’ve never cared about anyone really,” he admits. Therefore, I never treated relationships seriously.” He felt incapable of experiencing genuine affection, until he met his long-term relationship of three years, who is facing similar challenges, so, similar to his experience, has difficulty with feelings. She is “highly empathetic of the internal struggles in my head”, he notes – it was in fact, her who initially thought he might have NPD.

Pursuing Treatment

After a visit to his doctor, John was referred to a mental health professional for an assessment and was informed of his condition. He has been recommended for talking therapy on the public health system (a long period of therapy is the primary approach that has been demonstrated to benefit NPD patients, clinicians explain), but has been on the patient queue for a year and a half: “They said it is expected around maybe February or March next year.”

Disclosure was limited to a handful of people about his mental health status, because “prejudice is common that the disorder equates to toxicity”, but, privately, he has come to terms with it. This understanding allows me to understand myself better, which is always a good thing,” he comments. Each individual have acknowledged their condition and are seeking help for it – hence being willing to talk about it – which is probably not representative of all people with the condition. But the presence of individuals sharing their stories and the development of digital groups suggest that {more narcissists|a growing number